Review of La Quimera Early Access

Okay, so here’s the deal. This game “La Quimera” – it was supposed to drop on April 25, right? But bam, they hit us with a delay on the very day. I mean, talk about timing. Then on April 29, just when we thought we’d hear something new, they said it would limp out as “Early Access.” Anyway, so here’s my take – just keep in mind it’s the pre-release shuffle version.

Now, I have this weird obsession with those cheap sequels. You know, where they just toss out any integrity and go head-on with madness? Like, seriously, five movies deep into “Tremors”? I’m all for that chaos! “La Quimera” just cracks me up the same way. It’s this FPS game that just… isn’t pretty. Not by a long shot. Writing’s meh, action’s blah, acting’s a mix of “why am I hearing this?” to “oh dear, stop.” But, oh boy, drag a buddy into this co-op craziness and— BAM! It’s a rocky ride you might actually enjoy. Kind of like Tremors 5: Bloodlines – zing!

Picture this, you’re dumped in Nuevo Caracas. Sounds pretty fancy, right? But it’s all going downhill fast. Some robot apocalypse is ravaging outside, no explanation given. Inside the city? Corporations brawling, people broke. It’s all very 80s sci-fi – think “Aliens” with those big Power Loader thingies. As a fresh PMC recruit, you’re caught in some blah corporate clash, with chaos all around.

Now, the coolest thing? It’s hands-down the Bone Wall. Imagine bones, a solid wall of them, like a grim embrace you walk through. A voice whispers desperate tales in your ear about how it came to be, people falling, dying – crazy survival stuff. It’s the little nuggets like that instead of the characters yapping, that hit hard.

But here’s where it gets a bit off course, you got these Tarantino wannabes spouting lines that just fall flat. It’s either cringy or makes me question if some AI tried its hand at storytelling here – sorry, but it’s true. Anyway, somehow you end up saving a billionaire’s kid and bang! You and your PMC pals get roped into this gig, complete with zany augmentations.

Throw in Kyiv, Ukraine’s own dev team, and the fact they’re pushing this game out amidst all that’s something else. So, hey, kudos there! Yet, no squinting needed to see that story doesn’t quite… land. Feels like I left the theater halfway through, you know?

Did I mention Crysis? Because if you squint, without glasses, “La Quimera” screams of it – exosuits, cloaking, scanning, all in. That scanning though, it opens the stage for dropping foes like a sneaky ninja. Oddly satisfying, I’d say.

But step back, it’s like walking down a straight path, nothing more. Kill, door opens, rinse and repeat. Kinda throws you back, doesn’t it? But look, I didn’t mind it being this straightforward. That elevator gunfight had me for a moment, though.

The shooty bit is simple, almost too much. Sidearm, shotgun, rifle – take your pick, but don’t expect to swap during your mission stroll. Oh, and ammo? You’ll scrounge for it, which spices things up a tad when all else drags.

Now about money in this game – strange. You can only stuff so much into your pockets, meaning exploring barely pays off. And I just refuse to play eavesdrop with audio logs.

Yet despite everything, I oddly found it kinda… fun? Maybe it’s the online co-op madness where friends turn cringeworthy dialogue into gut-busting moments. Missions speed by, and yeah, short bursts of fun aren’t the worst – even if the whole thing needs lots more fleshing out to be truly worthwhile in the end.

So, wrap it up or not, “La Quimera” is out there, a crazy dance of good, bad, and unexplainably entertaining. Give it a whirl with friends for kicks. Or not. Your call.