Episode 930: GameStop’s Counterintelligence Division – Radio Free Nintendo

Okay, so your controller’s acting up. And here I am at Radio Free Nintendo, where, let’s face it, we adore the Big Ape. It’s a thing, part of the lore, you know? From those long-lost Now Playing segments. Why do I remember this stuff, right?

Anyway, I was pondering if “The Big Ape” actually fits Donkey Kong. Next thing I know, I’m diving into The Center for Great Apes. Yeah, no idea why I went there, but here we go.

Right, so, apes versus monkeys. Let’s see: Apes have hair—not fur. Hair grows long if you let it. DK’s got that slick quiff going, so check.

Fingernails not claws? His hands are in fists mostly, but I swear I’ve seen nails in the art. Opposable thumbs? Sure, ’cause fists.

Big brain for big body—smart enough to tie a tie and drive. Ever seen a marmot do that? Prehensility? More fists. Padded digits with fingerprints? Uh, beats me.

Binocular vision is a thing, ’cause how else does he nail those punches? Fists again. Reduced sense of smell? Who knows.

So, DK’s got enough boxes ticked to be an ape. But here’s the kicker from The Center for Great Apes: Apes and monkeys? People mix ’em up. Main deal? Tails. Monkeys have ’em, apes don’t.

Diddy Kong’s not an ape, kinda dumb, probably gonna kick the bucket before DK. Ouch.

Switching gears, there was this DK Bananza Direct on Wednesday. Fifteen minutes of gameplay, hey, with DK’s new sidekick, a teenage Pauline. Yes, that Pauline. So, everyone’s memed DK/Pauline to death already, no need to go there. Key points:

Pauline? Human, thus ape (work with me here).
Diddy? Nope.
Diddy’s expiration date is sooner.

Looks like DK’s scoping replacements for Diddy.

James rambled on Fantasy Life i. So many systems—lives—economy craziness. Mining ore for saws for better trees for tools for weapons. It’s endless. I lost track.

We took a breather after that mess. Then, more New Business. Jon’s been hoarding consoles he doesn’t need, trying to trade up via GameStop. Enter Special Agent Steve—GameStop’s InfoSec wizard. Bug hunt indeed.

Greg updates us on Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX. Funny how Switch 2’s top titles are racing games with unique solo elements. Mario Kart World? Massive. Guillaume and James tested Switch 2’s GameChat, swapping F-Zero GX, Mario Kart World, and Fantasy Life i. Also tested the Switch 2 Pro Controller.

In our chaotic attempt at Lister Mail, we brainstorm marketing for Mario Kart World’s companies. Got ideas? Send ’em!

And a footnote: calling DK “The Big Ape” is confusing, not an epithet or alias. Just a nickname. I’ll keep messing up titles till the end. Classic me.